eulogy part 2

The cold wind in my face on Park Street reminds me its getting cold again, reminds me that i never did go see that stone they carved your name into, old son. And by the way, i don't even know where to find that stone if i intended to. i guess its closing on two years since you dug that hole so i guess it doesnt look like i'm looking. there's been a lot going on, you know, not to make excuses...i'd rather not know who's under the stones when i'm sitting on them. seems a little too familiar i guess. i imagine it'll get easier as i settle in. i guess i learned a lot about things in these in between years but it's still the same in betweens that confuse me. subtlety and brutality, elegance and strength. efficiency and style. you're supposed to focus, and i guess i am, but it's taking time that i'm not sure i have. while we're talking, it reminded me of all i hate about death when you went. all these people sitting around crying at the tragedy of the whole mess... the real tragedy is that we're all gonna die but not all of us are gonna have a few days to sit and think it over. maybe thats what they were all crying over. how should i know. i didnt ask. it must have been hard to finally give up all together on making everyone else happy. i mean that's most of why we're in this puppet show isnt it? looks like i'm not too good at all that either. i cant quit thinking about my time and my space. every time i'm cold i still think about how cold you must have been. that wind in your eyes as you walked out there. how many of those notes did you write and tear up before you made it stick? knowing you, not many. jesus i still shiver at that cool. and when you climbed in, did the water run down your back or was it frozen solid? wouldn't you want to be comfortable there at the end or would that slow your mind? god knows it slows our minds. you never gave up trying to please other people, you just gave up living for them. are you really gonna stick around every winter? i don't mind. i could use more honest company. i hope you brought a good coat. it's gonna get cold again. you can feel it coming already. i know it isnt right to address you this way but i'm a little drunk and its late.