things i learned this weekend

1. According to a woman i don't know on the downtown mall, riding a fixed gear bike is the sexiest thing a man can do (i'm not sure she really thought out all the angles before telling me this but, you know, it got a sheepish grin out of me)(this is not part of the "lie about how great bikes and left wing politics are to convince people to come on board" scheme discussed in the bit about victim mentality being donkey shit)(no, i swear).
2. Drunk jon bray certainly doesn't know when to hold 'em or when to fold 'em but he's got a pretty firm grasp on knowing when to walk away and when to run.
3. How to send text messages. Yes. I learned that this weekend. it isn't funny.
4. My porch may actually be the best place on earth.
5. I am just barely capable of caring for Bartleby the sniveller (Farrell's cat) and a few plants at the same time.
6. There is a wide spectrum of public acceptance to a group of people drunkenly singing the national anthem. Deciding factors include: a) How well you sing it. We sang it at Escafe quite poorly. People liked that none too much. We did a much better job at Michael's Bistro. Things were smoother there. B) Where you are. Escafe didn't like it*. Michael's Bistro was tolerant at least. C) How you introduce it. At Asscafe we just started singing it after being there a few hours. I think we were hated instantly. We made our entrance at the Bistro by gathering at the foot of the stair and began singing softly. I think people deep down want to be good americans and like the national anthem but sometimes it needs to be warmed up to (This is actually a metaphor for the inevitable spread of Captalist Democracy through all the nations of the world and our current problems with Iran, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, North Korea and, you know most other countries.You see, rather than hit them over the head with our superior ideals, we must show them the light slowly [by this i mean drawn out limited warfare, not talking about stuff you fucking candy ass. don't get the wrong idea]. Once their eyes have adjusted to the light of the american way of life [i mean, you know, once they've had a big mac] they'll join us in beautiful harmony).
*I actually think Escafe disliked the national anthem for the obvious reason... they're RED.